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Are you marriage material? To many people this question can seem stupid and pointless but to me it’s a very honest question that you should ask yourself before you make the decision to either put yourself on the market for marriage or accept someone’s proposal.
The dictionary defines marriage as 1 a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) not posting this one because I don’t think it’s correct, it’s my blog I post what I wanna!!!> b : the mutual relation of married persons : wedlock c : the institution whereby individuals are joined in a marriage2 : an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities3 : an intimate or close union
Now all of that is fine and dandy but I think there’s more to it than what dictionary defines as marriage. It’s my belief that marriage is a bond, between a man and a woman under GOD that they will Love, honor, and RESPECT each other for the rest of their life. Notice how I capitalized the word respect? While some would believe that the most important part of a marriage is Love, I think that Respect is more important than love, reason being you can’t love someone if you don’t respect them. People who enter into marriage under the guise that they will LOVE each other FOREVER are usually in for a RUDE awakening 5-10 years into the marriage (maybe less for others). Now does that mean that there aren’t couples who do LOVE each other FOREVER, NO! There are some couples that genuinely love each other but when you look at their love, you realize that their love has evolved with time because they’ve respected each other. They’ve respected each other’s wishes, beliefs, opinions, sexual habits, interest and all of the above. You can’t presume to stay HAPPILY married to anyone if you don’t respect them, and their needs. Now that’s not to say that you and your needs should fall by the wayside because they should be just as considerate of your needs as you are of theirs. If they aren’t then, Houston you have a problem! Please remember that marriage is a self-LESS act.
Now this is where I’m about to piss a lot of ladies off…
When you go home to your husband (presumably at a decent hour, previously defined by you and your husband) you need to check your I-am-an-independent-woman-hear-me-roar-I-don’t-need-a-man attitude at the door. Cuz, let’s be honest if you didn’t need a man then you wouldn’t have gotten married, or you wouldn’t be dating for that matter. Oh, and please spare me the I-just-date-for-the-sex bull-crap, women are not built to LOVE ‘em and leave ‘em. You may have fooled yourself to believe that in the short term, but after a while…. (That’s pure experience speaking)
Single women, in the words of T.I, “be clear”: Ain’t NO real man gonna settle down with a woman whose mantra in life is I don’t need a man!! Would you date a man who felt like he didn’t need a woman? Nope. (Keep the lies moving). Look at our mommas as perfect examples, many of them are the DEFINITION of a strong woman, but when your dad (or her boyfriend, depending upon the household) came around she was this defenseless women, who couldn’t even open a jar of jelly (mind you she opened that same jar for you the day before). They know that YOU HAVE TO LET A MAN BE A MAN!!!! Single women always have a hard time with this one, but it is what it is. LET the MAN BE a MAN!! There’s no other way to do it.
REDIRECTING….
They say in happy marriage a happy wife is a happy life, but that works both ways. Try not to be consumed with your needs, think of his, and vice versa. Most recently both CoCo and Jada Pinkett have both done interviews where they’ve listed sex as a contributing factor among other things to their happy marriages. The crazy part to me is not that sex or in CoCo’s case, submitting to your man can be attributed to a successful marriage but the shocking part is that people are surprised by this. Hel-low, men like sex, and so do women, why not enjoy it together!? SIDENOTE: if you’re married and you don’t enjoy the sex it’s time you and yours had a heart to heart. No bullshit!! Women always surprise me when they’re like “he’s having an affair” and when you ask about their love life she gets all confused like “what does that have to do with anything?” It has everything to do with everything!!! Personally speaking, if I were MARRIED to someone who refused to have sex with me, I would probably cheat too; especially if I didn’t want to file for divorce. This is an obvious example of disrespecting your partner’s needs. If for whatever reason you no longer enjoy sex, physically, emotional or whatever, then you might want to seek counseling as a couple to determine how to resolve this. I understand that as we get older our needs change but you can’t expect your partner to deny themselves because you lost interest. I know this seems hypocritical of what I said early, but it’s really not. If they denied themselves, and you didn’t deny yourself then the relationship would be heavily one-sided. Being self-less applies on both sides, finding a HEALTHY compromise is always the alternative. By the way, even though both marriage and sex are self-less acts, honesty is key. If you faked it your entire relationship, please don’t think that in marriage he’s just gonna wake up one morning and get it right. COMMUNICATION is a very important part of respecting someone, speak and listen.
LOL, I can go on and on with these examples but long story short, if you aren’t willing to be self-less (both men and women) you might want to re-evaluate marriage.
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