Single in the City

So I've made the move to NYC and as I patiently wait for my life in NY to take flight, I've realized how incredibly lonely I feel. Now, before it's even suggested let me say that I have friends, four of them; however, as great as they are there's still a little something missing. A Man! I know a strong "independent women" like me, should feel secure enough in herself to be single and proud. Well I ain't, I would like a man!

Someone strong, handsome, funny, sweet, and romantic; there's more but I don't need to go into too much detail. Now granted, I'm not truly at a place where I can meet a man halfway but I still want one. (I'm making it sound more like a toy than another human being.)

I'm at the age where I feel like my "clock" is definitely starting to tick, but in all honesty I'm not really at a place to get married or have children. I'd love to settle down and wait for that great guy who's going to become my husband but, again, I just don't think I'm REALLY ready. Professionally, I've just restarted my career and personally, I'm still in the process of doing some spring cleaning in my heart, mind and soul. After reading The Conversations by Hill Harper, it's made me realize just how un-ready for a serious relationship I am. It didn't help that I had a conversation with a young man that furthered my belief, in my not being ready. I can't even form a friendship with someone of the opposite sex; I'm almost teen-like. I blush when he's around, and I think I form an attachment waaay too early for words. I get a little sad when he's not available, I get excited about him when I know I'm gonna be around him….

What the hell is my problem!?

I don't even really know if I like this guy, but I'm showing all the signs of someone who is severely open off of him. I think he likes me too but… he's not being as proactive as I'd like him to be. I mean, I want to be pursued for once. This is the part I don't like!? I wish I knew how to go slower to "be light" just enjoy the flirting for what it is, just aimless flirting; I mean if it turns into more in the future, great! In the meantime, it's stupid to get over indulgent in a man, who may or may not have interest in me. The downsized to all of this…. I am soooo sexually frustrated its not funny. I miss sex! I don't want to but I do, badly. This is another reason, why I need to step back. The last thing I need to do is to start up a sexual relationship with someone. I don't know that I can do a serious relationship but I know I don't want a sex-friend.

The only thing I can do is be patient but I'm not a very patient person… I'll fill you in if something happens.